Letters to My Noah Man & Me
"Letters to My Noah Man & Me." A collection drawn from more than ten journals I kept over the years- pieces of writing that, when woven together, tell the story of my grief, my love and my journey forward.
In the earliest days after losing Noah, our family began attending grief groups. It was in those rooms, surrounded by others navigating unimaginable loss, that I first felt compelled to start writing. I needed to capture everything, - every thought, every emotion, every moment of shock and heartbreak. I couldn't fully grasp what my mind and heart were going through, and I didn't want to forget any of it.
Years later, the idea of turning those journals into a book began to take shape. I finally reached a point where I felt ready. I reached out to my goddaughter, Sammy- an Ohio State journalism graduate- and knew immediately she was the perfect partner for this project. Together, we began the long, delicate process of gathering the countless fragments of my journals and shaping them into a cohesive story.
The letters addressed to Noah were originally written to keep our relationship alive. Although our relationship has taken on a different form, it remains as strong as ever. Through those letters, I wanted him to know how deeply we love him, how much we miss him, how constantly we remember him, and how firmly we hold onto the hope of seeing him again in heaven.
The letters written to myself are unfiltered and emotionally raw. They chronicle the rollercoaster of grief we lived through- without softening or hiding the truth of what we felt. I share how Jennifer, our daughters, and I learned to navigate this "new world" without our son, without their brother.
This book also explores my journey through another tragedy- the loss of my father to suicide, thirty years before Noah's accident. Though the two losses are very different, grief has a way of connecting wounds across time. I faced guilt, decades of buried emotion, and the lingering ache of the father-son relationship I lost- and now, the pain of losing from both sides.
My original purpose in writing this book was simple: I wanted to help any parent who has lost a child understand that survival is possible- that they can endure the unthinkable and somehow continue forward. But as the pages came together, I realized this book also offers something to those who haven't experienced such a loss: a window into the life, mind, and heart of someone who has.
Reading through my journals during this process showed me just how far Jennifer and I have come. From the depths of our darkest days to a place of stability, faith, and renewed strength. I remember much of what I had written- but some entries surprised me. I feared revisiting them, but I'm grateful I did.
Writing this book has brought me closer to God and closer to Noah. I am profoundly grateful for the six beautiful years we shared with him, and for the incredible family and friends who continue to surround us with love.
I want to give a heartfelt thank you to my goddaughter and ghostwriter, Sammy. Taking on this project required immense bravery, especially with her personal connection not only to me, but to Noah. She poured her heart into helping shape these words into something meaningful. I am forever grateful.
Thank you, Sammy. Much Love, and God Bless.
